My heart in the ground

It's a St. Vincent sort of day...

"I'm crawling through landmines
Just to know where you are
There's smoke in my eyes
Cause you're burning the ground

I'm crawling through landmines
Just to feel where you are
Under cover of night I put a pearl in the ground"

poor places

My mind's been stuck in Wyoming for the past three days- reliving 2004. Things I remember about Laramie: graphic billboards displaying the horrors of meth addiction, the outspoken lawyer, crying in public, my first experience of altitude sickness (running is difficult when you're a visitor from sea level), seeing Grant through plexiglas... The worst part was the oscillation between fear and anger that results in nausea and exhaustion.
The scenery may change, but that gut-full-o'-dread is exactly the same.

In preparation for the big 3-0 (8 months away and I'm already dreading it), I'm committing myself to an ultra relay- 200 miles, 6 people x 6 legs. I've been needing a new goal, so this showed up at the perfect time. I figure if I put it in blog, I'm more likely to follow through.

My jaw's been broken
My heart is wrapped in ice
My fangs have been pulled
and i really want to see you tonight

And it makes no difference to me
how they cried all over overseas
It's hot in the poor places tonight
I'm not going outside
-Wilco

A rusty heart starts to whine

It's been a bizarre couple of weeks- wishing for places and people that are far away. Normalizing my melancholy with songs this afternoon...

My mind is like an orchard
Clustered in frozen portraits
Of blossoms that bloomed so fine
Just to drop from the vine
I've seen 'em all tonight
-TV on the Radio

muscle 'n flow

For over a year, my poor dying lappy was unable to play media (music or video) successfully. It's little processor would struggle to get out a few seconds of clear sound before it fell into skipping and scratching. I realized this morning that I am much happier when I have access to my 40+ gigs of music (although I readily admit it improves my ability to procrastinate ten-fold). Yay for newly acquired electronics!

Oh, in the morning,
I stumble
my way towards
the mirror and my makeup
it's light out
and I now
face just what I'm made of

There's so much more left to do
Well I'm not young, but I'm not through

tiny scores, tiny rooms
lofty goals met too soon
-Menomena

your leaves have drifted away...

You're just like your father
Buried deep under the water
You're resting on your laurels
And stepping on my toes
Whose side are you on?
What side is this anyway?
Put down your sword and crown
Come lay with me on the ground...

Passion Pit

My life, in comic form...

The scaredy cats have become the neighborhood bullies. A monumental battle happened Wednesday night in the back yard- Lear vs. giant-red-kitty. My maternal instinct kicked in, and I tried (in vain) to intervene. Lucky, for me at least, they quickly switched locations and finished the scrap elsewhere. Lear returned for cuddles with only minor injuries- it's hard to believe that my drooling giant, who flees whenever a human enters the house, is actually a territorial kung-fu master. On the upside, his new penchant for MMA has helped him lose some weight. Dagny is sticking with non-feline prey. Unfortunately, she enjoys playing more than administering the final death blow. Recent house guests have included a sparrow and several hummingbird moths (post-release, they like to buzz around the skylights until I can chase them out with a broom).

Only a week of summer left and motivation is still at an all time low. Giving myself an extra year makes it ever so much easier to justify procrastination.

Mind was on holiday...

it's taking some adjustment being back in the real world. we returned from our Costa Rican adventures monday afternoon. i'm in love with the jungle. we started out from Alajuela, driving north in our stylie red bego. spent two nights and one full day admiring Volcan Arenal. we ziplined, hiked to a waterfall, and visited fancy schmancy hot springs (with water slides- heaven!). our next destination was Jaco, to purchase a surf board. spent the night in Playa Estrellita Oeste- a lovely little deserted beach. next on the agenda- Parque Nacional de Manuel Antonio. spotted three of the four costa rican species of monkeys, a sloth, and a dead cayman. this was also the only spot that was protected enough for snorkeling- things are a bit murky on the pacific side during the rainy season. the rest of the trip was spent in dominical, traipsing around to the local beaches (Playa Dominicalito, Hermosa, & Uvita). i took a surf lesson and caught some sweet "waves" (by which, i mean white water). we ATV'ed, rode horses, ate Tico food, visited more waterfalls, chilled by the pool, drank Imperial... the wedding itself was the highlight of the trip. it sprinkled and then down poured, but the mother-of-the-bride came prepared with white umbrellas for all the guests. the reception was spent mostly in darkness, due to a local power outage. i can't imagine a more perfect and romantic wedding.
everywhere we traveled, there were 'must sale' signs- land, houses, hotels... if only money grew on trees. i can picture myself in a casita, serving cocktails to guests and making them breakfast, spending the afternoons in the water. a bit premature to retire before i've even finished my degree.

Tico times!

It's an open road will we soon see the end
It's an open book, a story to tell the band

There is hardly a method you know

I'm a storm faced cloud, hanging in dystrophy
I'm a cold, base clown laughing at enemies
It's a rough wild world could you please chaperone
It's a mind field trip, oh leave it the fuck alone
-TV on the Radio